My poor neglected blog seems a sad, lonely place these days. I’ve not had much time for writing or reading other blogs. I did manage to make a small Facebook post last week, and only now did I realize I didn’t post it here. So, here’s the FB post from 1/29:
Earlier this month, my mom started home hospice care. Hospice doesn’t mean that she’s going to die today or tomorrow. It means that she’s started on the final leg of her journey though this life. As the hospice nurse says “This is your mom’s dance, and she’s choreographing how it plays out.” There are no set dates, no exact times. Only estimates based on how she’s declining. Her voice is almost gone. She’s weak enough that it takes two people to transfer her from chair to wheelchair, or to get her in bed. She needs two people to help her in the bathroom. She’s sleeping around 16 hours a day at this point, though that’s expected to increase. There are several parts of her body that are causing a lot of pain, even with the medication she’s on. She’s going to have to start on something stronger, probably this week. She’s coughing a great deal, but there’s not really anything to cough up. She’s eating and drinking very little.
Chances are, within the next week or so, she will be bed-ridden, as it is getting tougher and tougher for her to sit upright – I’ve posted a photo of her leaning to the left, but, the danger is that she can fall asleep and lean forward and fall out of the chair.
We are not born with expiration dates stamped on us. We never know when the end will be. Mom’s heart could give out any time, really. But, at this point, the news is that she’s probably down to her last month – maybe two- of life. Again, the caveat: she’s choreographing this dance, and we just have to follow along. Ultimately it’s up to her to decide when she’s ready to let go.
I don’t pray, and I know some of you don’t either. It’s always tough for us to send best thoughts and wishes and prayers because sometimes the words don’t feel adequate enough. But, at this time, whether it’s thoughts, prayers, karma, peace – whatever you send is greatly appreciated.
Two of my cousins that my mom is especially close to came for a visit this past week (one left Saturday; the other leaves this morning. Mom enjoyed seeing them, visiting, remembering. Even though she enjoyed their visit, she is tired out – she told me this evening that she was looking forward to being able to take a nap in her chair tomorrow. 🙂